Little one getting cuddly with Ebola toy. “Nothing to fear,” claim national medical leaders. (Rueters photo)
BY ANDREW SQUIBLEY
DALLAS, TX Sat Oct 18, 2014 9:52am EDT
(Rueters) – President Barack Obama on Saturday urged Americans to avoid hysteria over Ebola, and played down the idea of travel bans from Ebola-ravaged countries in West Africa, explaining that restrictions could make things worse.
Meanwhile, to lift the spirits of fearful Americans, officials at the hospital where the single US Ebola death occurred three weeks ago announced a troupe of 24 nurses — all of whom had close contact with the victim — would soon hit the road in a Las Vegas-style extravaganza called “SHE-bola: Love Goes Viral.”
“We think it will be a great pick-me-up for the American public so worried about contracting Ebola,” said one administrator from Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital in Dallas where Ebola victim Thomas Eric Duncan of Liberia died Sept. 30th. “Cirque du Soleil will have nothing on our girls.”
Reacting to news of the show, Obama told a press conference, “What we’re seeing now is not an ‘outbreak’ or an ‘epidemic’ of Ebola in America,” he said. “This is a serious disease, but we can’t given in to hysteria or fear. Have fun with ‘SHE-bola,'” he urged Americans.
Two dozen female nurses assigned to the hospital’s intensive care unit “eagerly” accepted the invitation to join the travelling cabaret featuring singing and elaborately choreographed numbers mixed in with acrobatics and hospital “gags,” the official told Rueters. “Imagine a pass-the-baton race around the audience,” he explained. “Only this time we’ll be using bedpans. And don’t ask if anything will be in them,” he added.
Won’t the public be nervous about being so close to nurses who themselves may have contracted the deadly virus, a hospital spokesman was asked. “We don’t think so,” he said. “After all, Amber Vincen was part of this same team and she made it to Cleveland and back without hardly anyone noticing. Okay, sure, they had to shut down the bridal shop where she visited and some schools and maybe a few restaurants, but that’s just a bunch of cranky public health officials being Nervous Nellies.”
The unnamed nurse from the same ICU team who “courageously” decided to hop a Carnival Cruise while fellow nurses Nina Pham and Vincen were placed in isolation “is further evidence the public has nothing to fear,” the hospital administrator asserted. “She wanted to make a point, although I’m not sure what, exactly.
“So she and her husband were in quarantine on the ship for a while and 2,000 other passengers were showering in chlorine, that’s hardly an inconvenience,” he added. “And we at the hospital are in total agreement the Mexicans completely overreacted by refusing the cruise ship entrance into their port.”
After fucking up everyone’s cruise, Ebola nurse and husband were tossed overboard into Gulf of Mexico by angry passengers, forcing rescue at sea by Coast Guard. (Rueters photo)
Most of the ICU’s staff will be travelling with the show since they are no longer needed at the hospital. “The place (Texas Health) is like a frickin’ ghost town,” said one attending physician who asked to remain anonymous. “For Chrissakes, would you want to plant your ass anywhere near an Ebola outbreak? Stick a fork in Texas Health,” he continued. “It’s toast.”
The hospital spokesman told Rueters that “SHE-bola” already has sold out in half a dozen venues, although none so far in the US. All of them to date are in Liberia, Sierra Leone, and Guinea. “Now those people really could use some cheering up and — let’s face it — they have no reason to fear our nurses.”