(PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED; IN MEANTIME, ORANGE MENACE HAS BEEN IMPEACHED – TWICE! – AND BOOTED FROM OFFICE; LET’S READ ABOUT HIS POST-PRESIDENCY)
With his own polls showing a potential landslide defeat next year, No. 45 begins re-election campaign with repeats of 2016’s lies and invective — all while planning Donald J. Trump Presidential Library & Gift Shop; since Trump famously does not read, this could be first such library with virtually no books or presidential papers, Rueters leading investigative duo report
President Trump says this vacant “former public library building” on Union Turnpike in his native Queens, NY, has been selected as site of future presidential library and gift shop. Building contains no bookshelves, but planners tell Rueters that shouldn’t be a problem since new “library” probably won’t contain many books. City officials say they suspect former real estate magnate may have purchased wrong building — but no one wants to say anything. (Photo provided by “Send Trump Packing in 2020”)
20 June 2019
By Andrew Squibley and Arthur Bushwhacker, Prefer to Talk During Official Moments of Silence
Democracy Dies in Darkness; At Least There’s a Light at the End of the Tun…Oh, Shit!
WASHINGTON, DC/QUEENS, NY (Rueters) – President Donald Trump has formally launched his 2020 re-election campaign with echoes of lies and vitriol from his surprising 2016 White House victory. But political observers are questioning if his heart is really into another national election, according to several interviews conducted by Rueters.
On the same day it was leaked that Trump’s own campaign polls showed him badly trailing potential Democratic foes Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders, the 45th president chose a location in his native Queens, NY, for his presidential library and gift shop, Rueters learned.
“Picking a site for your library a little more than half-way through your first term isn’t the mark of a confident candidate” for re-election, a Trump campaign source told Rueters. “It may be dawning on him, finally, his base isn’t big enough to re-elect him and pretty much everyone else is done with him and his inept, corrupt administration.” And this from someone in the campaign.
At his campaign kickoff this week at a packed rally in Orlando, Trump revisited election themes from four years ago, decrying illegal immigration, the news media and his 2016 Democratic opponent, Hillary Clinton. But now, he declared to the cheering crowd, “Our future has never looked brighter or sharper.”
“Our future” probably doesn’t include the Orange Menace, he has concluded, based on extensive public and private polling showing him well behind Biden and Sanders, as well as presidential campaign newcomers Pete Buttigieg, South Bend, IN, mayor; and US senators Elizabeth Warren (MA) and Kamala Harris (CA), a Trump confidant told Rueters.
Facing electoral calamity, Trump appears to be doing what any seasoned politician would do in similar circumstances — finding a distraction. In Trump’s case, the library and gift shop in his hometown of Queens could be his last monument to himself, unless Trump Tower Moscow gets financing from Deutsche Bank and the green light from Russian President Vladimir Putin.
Rueters has obtained an exclusive early look at what the 45th president, who doesn’t read anything besides TV Guide and People magazine, has planned for his “gift shop for America.”
“Research is boring,” Trump reportedly told designers. “No one will want to see my administration’s papers, reports, findings and executive orders. So, we’re taking a different approach. Everything in the library will be on sale. We can make a mint.”
Greeting visitors to the presidential library and gift shop will be the famous fake TIME magazine cover featuring a glowering pre-President Trump.
“It’s hanging in all his properties, so why wouldn’t his supporters want one for their homes?” a library designer said. “Remember JFK? His portrait was hanging in just about every American Catholic’s living room across the US.”
Then, of course, there’s the infamous Trump portrait for which the Trump Foundation paid top dollar at an arts auction. “Trump wanted his portrait to sell for the most” among all the other celebrity images at auction, a former colleague told Rueters.
“Naturally, using other people’s money, he dropped 20 grand on something that looks like it came from a pop-art shop in a strip mall. No class.”
“I’M PREDICTING THESE WILL FLY OFF THE SHELVES”
Trump reportedly is stockpiling the library with DVDs of his reality television program, “The Apprentice,” and others featuring Stormy Daniels (autographed by “Individual 1”), Karen McDougal and the infamous “Access Hollywood” tape that would have sunk his presidential campaign just a few weeks before Election Day if it hadn’t been for James Comey and the Russians. No collusion!
The Orange Menace has identified and agreed to hawk in the library a number of pro-Trump works of total bullshit in return for a percentage of sales. His selections are based on his impressions of the book covers since he has never actually read any of them.
Featured authors include sycophants and toadies, former staff and even a one-time newspaper publisher turned convicted felon, Conrad Black, whose literary blow job secured him a presidential pardon.
Throughout Trump’s nearly 50 years in the spotlight, due largely to his own egoistic self-promotion, someone always seemed ready with a book to tell (and sell) his story. Often, it was Trump himself. So now the presidential library will look like a long, horrifying trip down memory lane.
“I’VE GOT A BOOK FOR THAT”
Finally, what presidential “library” would be complete without those small, personal items you can use at home, both presidential and campaign memorabilia?
“TRUMP BOBBLEHEAD? TROLL? OF COURSE WE’VE GOT THAT!”
And what’s available from the food truck across the street?
“You decide, America,” Biden told Rueters when shown Trump’s plans. “Should he be taking the oath of office on Jan. 20, 2021, or opening his presidential library?”