Rueters takes the unusual step of sending two of its most expendable reporters on a risky trip into the not-too-distant future to see exactly what the “Orange Menace” has in mind for the end of his first term. They’re back. Hold onto your seats.
8 May 2019
By Andrew Squibley and Arthur Bushwhacker (The Expendables)
WASHINGTON (RUETERS) — House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is concerned President Donald Trump will not voluntarily step down unless Democrats win by a “big” enough margin in 2020 that he doesn’t contest the results, news outlets have reported.
Rueters, however, has uncovered a truth — and a future — that’s much darker than the House speaker’s stated “keep-you-up-at-night” fears.
Utilizing the latest in quantum-digital technology, Professor A. Laurence Dullaway, dean emeritus of the United Kingdom’s prestigious Bromley Institute for Science & Stuff, last month offered his time-travelling “police call box” to Britain’s equally prestigious Rueters news agency, now owned by Job/Ouwerkerk Enterprises.
Your fearless reporters, Squibley and Bushwhacker, were quickly chosen for the risky time-cruising assignment with virtually no debate on our merits – or safety – by senior management. But we made the two-hour round trip and returned in one piece (each of us, that is).
Rueters reporters Andrew Squibley and Arthur Bushwhacker were sent more than 20 months into the future in this antiquated time machine to witness what tradition-breaking surprise President Donald Trump had in mind for the American public on Inauguration Day 2021. Spoiler Alert: He’s planning…oh, fuck it, you know goddamn well what he’s going to do.
In her well-publicized interview with The New York Times last week, the Democratic leader expressed worry over a scenario where Trump would not accept the election results if he were to lose re-election by a slim margin.
“We have to inoculate against that, we have to be prepared for that,” Pelosi told the newspaper. Pelosi said she had worried that Trump would “poison the public mind” and “challenge each of the races” if Democrats didn’t win by an overwhelming majority in 2018. Democrats picked up a net gain of 40 seats in the House in the 2018 midterms — the largest Democratic House gain since 1974 and the Watergate era.
“We had to win. Imagine if we hadn’t won — oh, don’t even imagine. So, as we go forward (to 2020), we have to have the same approach,” Pelosi said to the Times.
Trump had warned against “illegal voting” during the 2018 midterm elections, despite a lack of evidence. During the 2016 presidential election, Trump falsely claimed “millions of people” voted illegally for Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton, costing him the popular vote. He won the White House with an Electoral College total of 306 (when 270 of 538 was needed for victory).
(And, while we’re reminiscing, let’s not forget what the future No. 45 said about 9/11: Remember the “thousands and thousands” of Muslims who cheered from the New Jersey side of the Hudson River? Here they are:)
(Photo by Rueters)
For his part, President Trump for months has griped, complained and tweeted about what he says is the unfair Russia “witch hunt” investigation that has consumed nearly half of his presidency.
Now, the president has floated a possible solution: two bonus years, raising the spectre of the nation’s chief executive on Jan. 20, 2021, refusing to leave the White House, thus fomenting civil strife — unseen on such a scale since the 1960s — among his base of millions of followers.
We found the following episodes during our brief trip to the future — scary stuff, but it’s not all bad news….
Trump does, in fact, lose his re-election bid, at least that’s the consensus of election officials across the US on Nov. 4, 2020, the day following Election Day. But it’s close. Trump collected 260 electoral college votes while Democratic opponent Joe Biden won with 278 electors.
So right away, echoing his complaints of 2016 — when he expected to lose to Hillary Clinton — Trump started to complain publicly about “rigged election results” and being cheated out of two years of his first term. He wants — really, demands — another two years in office, starting Jan. 20, 2021, the day Biden is to be sworn in as the 46th president.
But now, instead of making the traditional phone call to concede the election to the victor, Trump is calling on “my friends from Charlottesville and their friends around America to protect their president.”
All hell breaks lose. Everybody has something to complain about. Things get ugly in a hurry. By mid-November, Trump’s Charlottesville “friends” are marching and holding violent rallies across the US, including near the White House.
Federal courts, including the Supreme Court, are besieged with lawsuits to: undo the election results, formalize the election results, grant No. 45 another two years “just to be fair to the guy,” or get him out of the Oval Office as quickly as possible.
From left: Protesters evict VP Mike Pence from the vice president’s official residence in Washington on Jan. 20, 2021, to make room for incoming VP Pete Buttigieg; a pro-Trump faction is holed up in DC’s Executive Office Building on Inauguration Day 2021; Trump White House staffers protest their own official evictions on Inauguration Day. (Rueters photos)
In the end, by mid-January, 2021, the US Supreme Court ruled against the Orange Menace and his so-called “friends.” Many of them ended up in jail for their violent protests.
Trump, who chose to blame a “broken, rigged election system” and “Mexican judges” for conspiring against him, still occupied the White House hours after President Biden took the oath of office. Then the “movers” came:
January 21, 2021: AMERICA WINS!
Mmm. Prescient. Let’s get past January 6.
Happy new year, my friend.