Orange Menace – Wishin’ and Hopin’, Kickin’ and Screamin’ – Readies ‘Non-Concession’ Speech; We Have First Draft

BONUS FEATURE: ARCHAEOLOGISTS IN POMPEII UNCOVER 2,000-YEAR-OLD ORIGINS OF FAST FOOD; MAKE MINE ‘EXTRA CRISPY’

30 December 2020

By Andrew Squibley and Arthur Bushwhacker, Prefer Taking The Placebo

“Democracy Dies in Darkness — At Least the Days Are Getting Longer”

WASHINGTON, DC (Rueters) – Disappointed by GOP congressional leaders, turned away by dozens of state and federal judges, failed by third-string legal hacks, and ultimately rejected by the most voters in the history of US presidential elections, the Orange Menace is readying what aides privately say is a concession speech that doesn’t concede much of anything.

Faced with the certain prospect there will be a new resident in the Oval Office in just three weeks, Donald Trump is spending his final days as president still ranting and raving about a “stolen election,” a baseless argument that only has one believer still occupying an office in the White House: him.

Trump reportedly is ready to address the nation next Wednesday evening, Jan. 6, after what congressional leaders, the news media and some 81 million Americans who voted for Joe Biden say is the final word in a nearly two-month act of desperation to overturn the results of an election with the highest number of ballots cast in the country’s history, nearly 160 million.

Despite plans by some GOP House members and at least one Republican senator to challenge certified results from a handful of swing states, formal congressional approval of electoral votes submitted by all 50 states and the District of Columbia confirming Biden’s victory is all but guaranteed.

Based on the first draft of the planned address, which Rueters obtained from numerous disgruntled White House sources, the Orange Menace will continue his alternate reality-based complaints about enemies in the fictitious “deep state” who allegedly sabotaged his corrupt practices and administration from the start, Jan 20, 2017.

Here is a copy of the speech’s first draft which aides have told Rueters likely will little change before it’s delivered in a week’s time:

Archaeologists uncover ancient street food shop

in Pompeii

ROME (Rueters) – Archaeologists in Pompeii, the city buried in a volcanic eruption of nearby Mt Vesuvius in 79 AD, have made the extraordinary find of a frescoed hot food and drinks shop that served up the ancient equivalent of street food to Roman passersby.

Would you like fries or something to drink with your Maximus Burger?

Known as a termopolium, Latin for hot drinks counter, the shop was discovered in the archaeological park’s Regio V site, which is not yet open the public, and unveiled shortly after Christmas.

Traces of nearly 2,000-year-old food — beef, chicken, potatoes, Cheetos and beer nuts — were found in some of the deep terra cotta jars containing hot food which the shop keeper lowered into a counter with circular holes.

“Our preliminary analyses shows that the figures drawn on the front of the counter, represent, at least in part, the food and drink that were sold there,” said Valeria Amoretti, a site anthropologist.

Amoretti said traces of pork, fish, snails and beef had been found in the containers, a discovery she called a “testimony to the great variety of animal products used to prepare dishes”.

The front of the counter was decorated with brightly coloured frescoes, some depicting animals that were part of the ingredients in the food sold, such as a chicken and two ducks hanging upside down.

The noble “Gallus gallus domesticus” adorned the counters of many ancient Roman city food vendors — as well as their food pots. (Photo by Fuzzy Koppelman Images)

Remnants of a 2,000-year-old sign designed to draw in hungry Pompeiians also was uncovered, as were an ancient menu (with prices) and what researchers think was the earliest prototype on record of a drive-thru. (Photos by Fuzzy Koppelman Images)

“This is an extraordinary find. It’s the first time we are excavating an entire termopolium,” said Massimo Ossana, director of the Pompeii archaeological park.

Archaeologists also found a decorated bronze drinking bowl known as a patera, plus ceramic jars used for cooking stews and soups, wine flasks and amphora.

The patera was commonly used for consuming the ancient version of a sports drink known to Romans and others as Gladiatorade. “If you could drink Gladiatorade, made from the urine of 12 asses, you would really impress the maidens. Frankly, though, you shouldn’t expect a kiss,” said director Ossana.

Pompeii, about 14 miles southeast of Naples, was home to some 13,000 people who were buried alive under ash, pumice pebble and toxic, superheated dust after an explosive eruption by the still-active Vesuvius.

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One Comment

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  1. Two standing ovations!

    Sent from Mail for Windows 10

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