EU Leader Says Go Ask the Sphinx. Really? That Happened?
“Democracy Dies In Darkness — Or When Idiots Like These Get Hold Of It”
By Andrew Squibley and Arthur Bushwhacker, Roving Reporters
April 1, 2019
LONDON (Rueters) – A confused and uncertain Parliament is adding options to a possible Brexit resolution rather than narrowing choices, leading to deeper political stagnation over the United Kingdom’s most threatening environment since the Battle of Britain or perhaps, even worse, the invasion of the Spanish Armada.
With less than two weeks before the UK could be unceremoniously bounced out on its bum from the 28-nation bloc, the House of Commons still remains in what many Brits have called the “deadlock of despair” over the most heavily discussed ways forward:
Hard exit, with no formal connection to the EU; a customs union of some kind to maintain commercial ties between the Europeans and Brits; and a second Leave/Remain public referendum which so-called “remainers,” predicting victory, claim could put the issue to rest once and for all.
The Brexit clock is ticking while protests continue throughout the UK with some typically wry British humor at the ready. (Photos by Rueters)
But surfacing in recent days are other potential future directions for the UK which both government observers and newspaper editorial boards around the country say are worthy of Parliament’s consideration as the EU-imposed April 12 deadline approaches:
The Caribbean Option in which the UK joins with many of its former colonies in a political and commercial union.
The Africa Option in which the UK joins with many of its former colonies in a political and commercial union.
The Asia Option in which the UK joins with many of its former colonies in a political and commercial union.
The Middle East Option in which the UK joins with many of its former colonies in a political and commercial union.
The Pacific Option in which the UK joins with many of its former colonies in a political and commercial union.
The Baltic Option in which the UK becomes the fourth Baltic State, joining Estonia, Lithuania and Latvia in a political and commercial union.
The Baltic Option is generally agreed to be the most viable alternative, UK government sources said, because the three former Soviet states haven’t had to deal with the UK in the past.
Bromley (Kent) City Hall, closed and abandoned recently because of Brexit uncertainty, a scene repeated across UK in communities who say they fear economic and political collapse under “Leaver-Gits” like Boris Johnson (l) and Nigel Farage. “Bollocks,” cries Johnson, “cobblers,” protests Farage, “nudge, nudge, wink, wink,” smirks Eric Idle. (Photos by Rueters)
“We’d love to have them join us,” Estonian President Kersti Kaljulaid told Rueters, speaking on behalf of her Latvian and Lithuanian counterparts. “The UK is just our size, maybe a lot smaller after it leaves the EU, so we can help them grow again.
“One day,” the president continued, “maybe 10 or 20 years from now, they’ll rival any one of the other Baltic states for size and influence. I wonder why the EU wanted to get rid of them.”
When asked by Rueters for comment regarding the UK’s different Brexit options, representatives of the Caribbean common market, CARIFTA; the Africa Free Trade Zone (AFTZ); the Asian trade and political group, ASEAN; the Pacific islands trade consortium (PICTA), and the Middle East trade organization (OPEC), each recounted what life was like for their members as British colonies. While laughing uncontrollably, the reps all wished the Baltic countries the best of luck. “Maybe they’ll do better with the Brits than we did,” one of them said. “At least they’re white, right?”
But frustration, not humor, is the sentiment currently among the EU’s leadership watching from Brussels as Parliament struggles through its daily routine of contortions, indecision and failed votes.
“A sphinx is an open book compared to the UK,” said Jean-Claude Juncker, European Commission president. “Nobody knows where it is heading. I would like to make the sphinx talk and tell us in which direction they would like to go.”
Maybe the Brits themselves aren’t certain, even today, pollsters told Rueters. In a 2016 referendum, 17.4 million voters, or 51.9 percent, backed leaving the EU while 16.1 million, or 48.1 percent, backed staying.
At least during both World War II’s Battle of Britain — when the Royal Air Force defeated the German Luftwaffe over the skies of England — and the 1588 invasion of the Spanish Armada, Britons were united in a single cause: national survival. The RAF fought with unparalleled heroism and defeated a much larger foe. And in the case of the armada, England was assisted by a hurricane that devastated the fleet.
Today’s cause may not be so clear cut, although it could mean national survival as the Brits know it. New polls indicate three years after the Brexit vote sentiment may have flipped, though it’s still very close, giving the Remain side hope of stopping what one Brit called “the biggest national death-by-selfie in history.”
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