Rueters crack investigative reporting duo of Squibley and Bushwhacker land another exclusive to add to their Pulitzer-free professional achievements, an interview with Teflon/Dapper Don John Gotti; onetime godfather of New York’s Gambino crime family has been watching, stewing and now talking about what he sees — and doesn’t like — as we push further into 21st Century, and you won’t believe what he has to say; next, faced with unrelenting public pressure to find a winning strategy for beating pandemic, Congress and Biden Administration focus on what they do best, that is, creating another award; “If we can’t save them, at least we can distract them” with a new congressional commendation says a White House staffer

January 2, 2022

By Andrew Squibley and Arthur Bushwhacker, Told Feds “Prince Andrew-the-Wally Can Really Work Up a Sweat”

“Democracy Dies in Darkness…and with the GOP’s Voting Rights Legislation”

WASHINGTON (Rueters) – John Joseph Gotti Jr., an American gangster, was boss of the Gambino crime family in New York City. He ordered and helped to orchestrate the murder of Gambino boss Paul Castellano in December 1985 and took over the family shortly thereafter, becoming boss of what has been described as America’s most powerful crime syndicate.

At his peak, Gotti was one of the most powerful and dangerous crime bosses in the United States. During his era he became widely known for his outspoken personality and flamboyant style, which gained him favor with the public. While his peers avoided attracting attention, especially from the media, Gotti became known as “The Dapper Don” for his expensive clothes and cocky behavior.

He was later given the nickname “The Teflon Don” after three high-profile trials in the 1980s, whose lead prosecutor was then-US Attorney for the Southern District of New York Rudy Giuliani, resulted in his acquittal — though in Rudy’s defense it was later revealed the trials had been tainted by jury tampering, juror misconduct and witness intimidation. Apparently Rudy didn’t notice.

Law enforcement authorities continued gathering evidence against Gotti that helped lead to his downfall. Gotti reportedly earned between $5 million and $20 million per year during his tenure as Gambino boss, all tax free, according to the feds. With testimony during his last trial from so-called underboss Salvatore “Sammy the Rat” Gravano, Gotti was convicted of five murders, including ordering a hit on his kindergarten teacher, Sister Mary Mother of God!, back in the South Bronx; conspiracy to commit murder; racketeering; obstruction of justice; tax evasion; illegal gambling; extortion; loansharking; and stealing from the Salvation Army’s Red Kettle. Bastard. He was sentenced to life in prison, without parole, and transferred to the US penitentiary in Marion, Ill., where, held in solitary confinement, he had a lot of time to think.

Rueters caught up with Gotti just before Christmas and took the opportunity to get his thoughts on a variety of today’s well-known personalities in the news and perhaps to shed some light on a few mysteries stemming from his years in the Mob.

RUETERS: Thank you for speaking with us, Mr. Gotti. How’s life been treating you?

GOTTI:

RUETERS: Sorry. Not the best question to lead off with. How about this, then: Can you tell us about life in the underworld?

GOTTI:

RUETERS: Understood. No, we actually meant the first underworld, sir.

GOTTI:

RUETERS: So, we know this was a little before your time as a government-recognized crime boss, but we thought we’d ask it anyway. Jimmy Hoffa. Thoughts?

GOTTI:

RUETERS: Really? Coffee with him everyday? Did he ever say what happened to him? Where he was all this time?

GOTTI:

RUETERS: Jesus Christ! Really? Inside a birthday cake? Kind of like when a stripper comes out through the top?

GOTTI:

RUETERS: No way! Part of the ingredients? And eaten by a party of eight-year-olds? That’s harsh. So, here’s another question surrounded by mystery. Your next door neighbor back in Queens, John Favara, tragically and accidentally killed your young son, Frankie, when Favara’s car hit Frankie while he was riding a bike. Not long after that, Favara disappeared — forever. Any comments?

GOTTI:

RUETERS: It’s not uncommon for a factory worker like Favara to fall into a vat of acid and completely dissolve? So that’s your story?

GOTTI:

RUETERS: Now we’d like to ask you about some of the people you’ve known over the years and your current thinking about them. Let’s start with Big Paul, Paul Castellano, who until his violent death in 1985 was head of the Gambino crime family. You replaced him. Looking back, was shooting him in front of Sparks Steak House a great advertisement for the restaurant? Did it help their business, long term?

GOTTI:

RUETERS: Yes, it’s still popular, and we have eaten there, so, right, point taken. Okay. What about Sammy the Bull?

GOTTI:

RUETERS: That’s quite a lot to unload, sir. No we can’t tell you where Mr. Gravano is living. We’d love to help, but sorry. So , now may we ask you your thoughts about John Travolta’s portrayal of you the movie “Gotti”?

GOTTI:

RUETERS: Wow, you don’t even consider him Italian anymore? We doubt he has any plans to visit Little Italy in the near future, either. Yes, that’s right. It did get 0% on Rotten Tomatoes and, arguably, made you look like an idiot. Let’s move on, shall we? You were once represented by famous — some would say infamous — New York attorney Roy Cohn who got you virtually no time in prison when there were witnesses to a murder you had committed. Cohn also was an adviser to Donald Trump’s father and later to the former president himself early in his career. Thoughts on the whole Cohn – Trump connection?

GOTTI:

RUETERS: Well, obviously, you’ve given it a lot of thought. So you think Trump modeled his management style on yours but he isn’t that smart? And he’s a pussy? So why did you help him in negotiations with labor unions in New York? Was there money in it for you, personally?

GOTTI:

RUETERS: How many millions, exactly, do you think? Would you have voted for Trump, had you the opportunity to do so?

GOTTI:

RUETERS: Giuliani was your guy? Really? You preferred him to Trump? And all this goodwill to Rudy after he prosecuted you several times before the charges finally stuck? Sounds like you were feeling badly for Rudy after you fixed all the trials he prosecuted. Got it. But, what do you think of Rudy’s behavior with Trump in the last few years?

GOTTI:

RUETERS: John Gotti dismayed? No way! So, to be clear, most people think Rudy has destroyed his legacy and you blame Trump for all of it? Okay. One final question before we let you go: Do you ever run into Dan Blocker?

GOTTI: Fuck you.

LAWMAKERS CREATE “CONGRESSIONAL COVID COMMENDATION”; SEEKING FIRST BATCH OF WINNERS

WASHINGTON (Rueters) – Frustrated with slow progress stopping, or even curtailing, the Covid-19 pandemic, responsible for nearly 900,000 American deaths in two years and more than five million worldwide, Congress and the White House have joined forces to create a major distraction to the electorate: A special award “for the times we live in,” said a spokesman for the administration. US President Joe Biden is expected to sign a bill authorizing creation of the award this week.

“We’re going to call this new award from Uncle Sam the Congressional Covid Commendation,” the spokesman told Rueters. “But it’s not for everyone.”

Recipients will have to meet difficult, daunting criteria to qualify, Rueters learned. “First,” according to a spokesman at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), “the commendation winner will have had to survive a full-blown case of the original Covid back in 2020, pre-vaccine, and still have no sense of smell, at least. Second, he or she will have had to be fully vaccinated with two doses of either Moderna or Pfizer in the spring of last year.

“Then, he or she will have had to suffer a break-through case of Covid — this time Delta — in the summer of 2021, before getting a booster shot this past fall. Then, finally, the recipient of the Congressional Covid Commendation will have had to get a second break-through case post booster, only this time certified as being the Omicron variant,” the CDC spokesman said.

The Biden Administration is very concerned about encouraging millennials to get vaccinated — no commendations without vaccines, just having the virus doesn’t count — a White House senior aide said. “So we’re going to offer recipients a choice of commendation, something to wear around the neck, the more traditional congressional medal, or a nifty T which we think millennials would actually prefer.”

“We don’t know how many Americans today would qualify for the commendation,” an administration insider told Rueters. “But we believe there are some out there living the fucking nightmare this award is meant to recognize.”

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ASK SQUIBLEY

Dear Mr. Squibley:

I hear electric cars are the future of transportation in the US. So I invested in a company that makes extension cords, really, really long extension cords. Do you think this is a good idea? Signed, Wondering in Delaware

Dear Wondering,

Personally, I find that shocking. I wouldn’t get wrapped up in them.

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