A New Look for Air Force One and You-Know-Who’s at the Drawing Board; What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Imagine what the global symbol of American prestige and values could look like in the wrong hands. The possibilities are numerous — and frightening. Rueters has been given an exclusive early look into the ideas of a “stable genius” and you won’t fucking believe what you see.

16 June 2019

By Andrew Squibley and Arthur Bushwhacker, “Eying Little Girls With Bad Intent

Democracy Dies in Darkness…And Look Who’s at the Switch?!

WASHINGTON, DC (RUETERS) — A new look for Air Force One would enhance the presidential jet’s current “plain and wimpy” bright blue and white color scheme with more explicitly patriotic symbols and messages ordered by President Trump, based on mock-ups of revisions seen by Rueters.

Since taking office nearly two and a half years ago, the Orange Menace has complained to aides Air Force One “is plain and wimpy and doesn’t convey the theme of making America great again,” nor his political views, both of which he wants prominently displayed on the world’s most famous Boeing 747, a White House insider told Rueters last week.

THE ‘MAGA’ EDITION (MAKE ALLEGATIONS GO AWAY)

Trump has largely been drawing up new versions of Air Force One on his own, during so-called “executive time,” clearly without anyone’s input, sources said.

“He really likes what the Middle East royal families do with their airliners,” so he’s thinking their use of seals could work for him, too, an administration insider told Rueters.

THE ROYAL TREATMENT

Trump’s proposed makeover would be the first since President John F. Kennedy was in office. The light blue colors were introduced in a redesign by industrial designer Raymond Loewy for Kennedy in 1962.

Whether the new redesign will actually happen is uncertain. Although Trump announced last year his desire for an “upgrade to my ride,” the plan needs congressional approval that Democratic lawmakers do not appear eager to give, that is, unless Trump agrees to one “small change.”

JUST ONE LITTLE THING…..

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The current Air Force One, nearly 30 years old, has been in service since President George H W Bush was in the White House. The US House Armed Services Committee voted 31-26 recently to approve an amendment limiting the paint and interior decorating options for new presidential aircraft plans.

AMERICAN CARNAGE

Trump has been toying with versions of Air Force One that actually won’t fly, according to Boeing engineers, yet he’s still taken with the symbolism, particularly as it concerns “the corrupt news media/enemies of the people” who keep getting everything right about his black hole of an administration.

Trump touted the redesign as an overall upgrade, telling friends although the frame is still a Boeing 747 aircraft, “it’s a much bigger plane” with “a much bigger wingspan.” “We added things, and I got $1.6 billion off the price,” he added. (Not exactly, one source told Rueters. Boeing will complete the sale in Delaware so the White House won’t have to pay $1.6 billion in sales tax.)

A larger plane holds the potential for larger displays, Trump told friends. As a tribute to his third wife, First Lady Melania, the future ex-Mrs. Trump, the president is considering having Boeing issue a “special collector’s edition” of the jumbo jet. Nicknamed “Smocking Hot,” in honor of the president’s abysmal spelling, it features a younger Melanija Knavs as she first appeared when Trump spotted her on Craig’s List. FAA officials worry, however, it could be an aviation distraction.

SPECIAL COLLECTOR’S EDITION

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In February 2018, the White House announced it struck a deal with Boeing over the development of two new Air Force One planes. Trump is pushing for an early prototype be delivered within six months, however, to the presumptive Democratic nominee for president. “Let’s see what those assholes in Iowa say about that,” Trump told a confidante.

ON THE ROAD WITH ‘SLEEPY JOE’

Graphics by Das Schrader Grafikarbeiten, Rossbach, Hesse, Germany

2 Comments

Add yours →

  1. Another winner, Jim! The scary thing is he probably WOULD pick one of these designs, given the opportunity!

  2. Well done Jim. Very imaginative. Not beyond belief. Glad you are using your talents so well:-) What’s next? A book?

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