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When the Orange Menace announced earlier this month he wanted to re-open the notorious federal penitentiary in San Francisco Bay, naturally we thought, “WTF?” Then we dispatched our star reporters Squibley and Bushwhacker to track down the most famous convict ever to escape “The Rock.” It took a few weeks, but they found him, relaxed and somewhat philosophical about his life and fame. We asked him what he thought about re-opening Alcatraz. He shared his views on this and — as it turns out — a whole lot more for Newsmakerblog readers.

May 21, 2025

By Andrew Squibley and Arthur Bushwhacker, Filling in at Newark-Liberty ATC

“Democracy Dies in Darkness…and is Taking Medicaid and Food Stamps with It”

SOMEWHERE IN THE MOJAVE DESERT (Rueters) — At 98, a spry and rakish Frank Morris is looking younger than his Hollywood namesake, actor Clint Eastwood, 94, who portrayed the renowned federal convict in the 1979 blockbuster “Escape From Alcatraz.”

Dispelling all speculation about his probable perishing in the frigid waters of San Francisco Bay that night in June 1962, Morris cautiously agreed to sit with us in his Mojave Desert hideaway where he has resided since about a year after he and the Anglin brothers, John and Clarence, broke their way out of The Rock.

“The Rock,” San Francisco Bay, 1934-1963

We asked him whether he agreed with No. 47 that the once escape-proof penitentiary should be re-opened for the next generation of federal offenders, such as former Justice Department attorneys who prosecuted the OM. He didn’t think much of the idea.

Frank Morris 1960 Frank Morris today

Squibley/Bushwhacker (SB): Thanks for sitting down with us, Frank. We want to ask you about the president’s idea to re-open Alcatraz. But first we had some other questions, for example: What are you doing with your time in the desert? Are you busy, do you see or have friends?

Morris: It took me some time to get here, a year, I guess, after getting out (of Alcatraz). Me and the Anglins split up soon after. They were headed to Canada. Never heard from them after that. I made my way south, usually on freight trains. Then I heard about this place, kind of a ranch for escapees, runaways and others who just didn’t want to be found. It’s been like that more than 60 years.

SB: How do you spend your days? Do you have friends?

Morris: I stay busy. Arts and crafts, mainly. Kind of got a taste for it in prison. Play chess with a guy who got here in early 1972. He’s pretty good; lets me win every once in a while. His name is Dan. Says he parachuted from an airplane with 200 “large,” ransom money I think, for high-jacking a flight somewhere up north. Can you believe that? He fucking jumped! At least I stayed on the ground — and water. He’s hard to get to know. Me? I’m an open book. Dan’s pretty private and formal. He says, “Call me Mr. Cooper.” Can you believe that shit?

DB Cooper, 1971 (artist rendering)

And speaking of shitheads, you wouldn’t believe who got here in 1975. Jimmy Fucking Hoffa, that’s who! While the FBI and half the world has been looking for him, the old bastard has been laughing his ass off here at the ranch. He doesn’t care, as long as the Mob doesn’t find him. Every time there’s a news story about his so-called burial site, he gets all excited. Thinks it’s the funniest thing.

Jimmy Hoffa, 112, former Teamsters president, still in hiding

We all try to be equal here, you know? Okay, Cooper, Hoffa and me all had movies made about us. But Hoffa! What a prick. He’s what — something like 112 now and still likes to boss people around. You know what he still says? “I may have many faults, but being wrong ain’t one of them.” Jesus, no wonder they wanted to kill him. The thought has crossed my mind, too.

SB: This has been very informative, Frank. We’re glad you’re comfortable and getting along with other residents. But can you talk a bit about the president’s (we call him the Orange Menace) idea to re-open Alcatraz?

Morris: I read about that. Didn’t he say no one ever escaped Alcatraz? That’s not the first thing he’s got wrong, is it? The place is a relic, a dump. Even the Indians didn’t want to stay there. It was getting that way when I broke out in ’62. A year later they closed it down. It was falling to bits when I was there. The weather really beat it up bad. And the food? When it finally got there — the bay made transporting stuff pretty tough — it was horrible.

I don’t know what the fucking guy is thinking. Would he want to re-open one of his shitty old casinos? No! So why Alcatraz? And this coming from a moron who doesn’t understand the first thing about tariffs. Christ Almighty.

SB: Thank you for your time. Maybe we can book you on VOA. Oh, no, sorry.

–30–

A Third Term for the OM? Democrats Have a Plan of Their Own

WASHINGTON (Rueters) — Faced with the unconstitutional — though nevertheless likely — possibility the Orange Menace will run for a third term in the White House, frantic Democratic Party leaders have settled on a high-stakes strategy they believe can derail his plans for 2028.

“We know the last time Trump won (in 2024), we just didn’t have the right candidate to face him,” said longtime Democrat strategist James Carvel. “Joe (Biden) was running out of gas and his hand-picked successor, Kamala Harris, didn’t have the background or backing for the campaign. We blew it.”

With Trump publicly proclaiming an interest in running in another three years, despite the 22nd Amendment limiting presidents to two terms, Democrats are no longer counting on a conservative US Supreme Court to stand in his way.

“If he can get SCOTUS to overturn birthright citizenship (14th Amendment),” another Democratic insider told Rueters, “then we don’t think the court will defend the 22nd. We used to think if something was in the US Constitution, it was constitutional. That may be an old-fashioned notion, it turns out. We have to be ready for the challenge.”

Democratic leaders, speaking anonymously, told Rueters they had agreed after a series of top secret meetings to put forward “a proven winner” in 2028, the only American president to be elected four times: Democratic lion Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

“Yes, it’s an unusual strategy, very risky,” party leader Hands Overworked said. “But desperate times call for desperate measures. The guy (FDR) is a proven winner. Won in ’32, ’36, ’40 and ’44. The only thing that stopped him from staying in the White House for life was a cerebral hemorrhage. We can’t count on that with the Orange Menace.”

Overworked told Rueters he expected primary challenges from at least two popular Democratic governors, Gavin Newsom (Calif.) and JB Pritzker (Ill.). “We’re confident that FDR’s health (dead) and age (143) won’t hurt him with the American public. They loved him during the Great Depression and World War Two. And lots of nice books have been written about him since then. He’s the guy to stop the OM.

“The American people are ready for his leadership, strength and ideals. FDR’s everything the Orange Menace isn’t, yes, including not being alive,” Overworked said. “But we don’t see that as a flaw.”

–30–

Official: June is Free Broiler Month at Chick-fil-A

CAMDEN, Delaware (Rueters) — US restaurant chain Chick-fil-A has come to the rescue of an overwhelmed Delaware animal shelter trying to care for and rehome thousands of chicks that survived being left in a postal service truck for three days. Trapped in a warm enclosure, without food and water, thousands died before they were discovered.

“We’re grateful for Chick-fil-A’s intervention and support,” a spokesman for Birds of a Feather rescue center told Rueters. “We’re confident they will find good homes for all the chicks.”

–30–

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